Cleaning up the Office
by JantoJones
Summary: Jack is bored. Not for long, though.


Jack Harkness activated the comms in his ear.

"What are you up to, Yan?"

Down in the archives, Ianto Jones rolled his eyes. Jack was bored and had been driving everyone nuts all morning. Tosh, Gwen and Owen had even left the base to go, who knew where. They didn't really care, as long as it was away from the captain. They'd invited Ianto along, but he'd told them he needed the quiet time to catch up on some office work. However, even he was unable to put up with Jack's boredom for any long period. As a result, he'd hidden himself away in the archives.

"I'm cataloguing the stuff that came from Canary Wharf," he replied. "There's still a ton of it."

"Would you like some help?"

Ianto couldn't fail to notice the tone in Jack's voice. It wasn't a helpful tone. It was a tone which said 'everyone's out, let's get sweaty'. He thought about fighting it but knew he would lose. Ianto sighed deeply, but before he had chance to surrender, he heard what sounded like an explosion coming from Jack's end of the line.

"What the fuck was that? Jack? JACK!"

"A rift storm opened in the hub and left three heavily armed aliens behind." Jack whispered. "Shit... they've seen me."

Ianto heard weapons fire, and then there came the unmistakable sound of Jack's Webley being fired.

"I've got one of them. Yan, you need to lock down the hub. You need to... aarrrggghhhh"

"Jack?"

Ianto cut the comms, knowing that Jack was dead. Not that he was too worried. The captain would soon be back, but until then it was down to him to deal with the aliens. A few months ago, Ianto had set up a small office in the archives. It made his life easier and he could access most of the systems from there that he could from his upstairs office. The other upside was that it was so far from the main hub, no-one could be bothered to come all the way down there and bother him.

After logging on, Ianto initiated a partial lockdown. He couldn't do a full one, because he needed to move about himself. He started off by sealing all the exits. They could do without the two remaining aliens getting out onto Mermaid Quay, especially as it was lunchtime. Ianto then closed off the sensitive areas, such as the cells, the morgue and the archives. He kept the area he was in open, with the intent of locking it as he left. The Welshman then made sure that all weapons lockers were sealed. The only one he left unsealed was the one outside the archives. Jack had had it installed a while ago, stating that he liked to be prepared for all contingencies. Ianto made a mental note to thank him for that later.

Finally, after making sure to lock out all the computer systems Ianto armed himself with two pistols.

"Why is it always me who has to sort out the office problems?" He muttered to himself before heading into battle.

**************************************

One of the aliens kicked the body of Jack Harkness. It kicked him fairly hard, angry at the death of his colleague and angry that he couldn't access the primitive computers. Unseen by either remaining alien, Ianto peered around the door frame into the hub. He'd seen a fair few extra-terrestrials in his time with Torchwood, so wasn't fazed by the grey-skinned humanoids. Their having three eyes and no noses didn't bother him either. What did upset Ianto was the way that one of them was viciously kicking Jack. Okay, so Jack couldn't feel it, but that was beside the point. With both pistols raised, Ianto stepped out into the open.

"Good afternoon gentlemen," he said, using the same smooth tone he reserved for the tourist office and talking to U.N.I.T.

The two beings span round with their own weapons raised. Ianto jumped sideways while firing both pistols. The bullets slammed into the chest of one of the aliens, throwing it backwards into the autopsy room. The remaining intruder returned fire instantly but fortunately missed. Midway through his sideways leap, Ianto remembered too late that he wasn't, in fact, Rambo. He landed badly, crushing his right arm beneath him and sending one of his pistols skittering away.

Ignoring the pain from his arm, which he assumed was broken, Ianto pushed himself back up. He found himself staring down the barrel of a gun. The Welshman carefully laid his other gun down, pushed it away and raised his uninjured arm. He stared into the face of the alien and braced himself for the darkness. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jack standing up. Ianto knew he had to keep the aliens attention so did something that had gotten him into trouble all his life. He started goading it.

"Well, come on then, kill me. What are you waiting for?"

At the other side of the hub, Jack reminded himself to have a word with Ianto about his suicidal tendencies. Quickly locating his discarded Webley, Jack realised that he couldn't just shoot. He could very easily take out the alien from there, but its trigger finger could spasm, killing Ianto. The Captain slowly and cautiously snuck around behind it. Ianto kept up his taunting. The alien clearly didn't have a clue what Ianto was saying but seemed puzzled by the inane chatter of a defeated enemy. It certainly didn't expect to have a weapon pressed against its head. However, instead of laying down its own weapon, it threw its arm back, knocking the gun from Jack's hand. Luckily, it bought Ianto just enough time to grab the Webley and shoot the alien.

***********************************

An hour later, Jack had seen to Ianto's arm (which was broken) and had secured the bodies of the aliens in the morgue. Ianto had reversed the lockdown and was attempting to brew coffee one-handed. Jack had offered to make it but Ianto had told him, in no uncertain terms, what he thought of Jack's coffee.

"How can you have lived so long without learning the basics of coffee?"

Jack had countered with;

"How can you have got to twenty five with your habit of taunting aliens into killing you?"

Ianto conceded the point and, it was during the friendly argument that Torchwood's other three members returned. They took in Ianto's broken arm, the blood on the floors and the papers which had been blown around by the rift storm.

"Bloody hell!" Owen exclaimed. "I know you two like it rough, but it's getting a bit ridiculous isn't it?"

Jack winked at him, then at Ianto.

"You know me Owen; I don't like to be bored."

Ianto rolled his eyes for the second time that day.


End file.
